Narcissist Tantrums During the Holidays

“I don’t want to be embarrassed being seen with you.”

Narcissists are the quintessential definition of insecurity. Yes, it may be difficult to believe, but below that intimidating, sometimes frightening, exterior that pleasantly shows confidence, light, and joy to everyone but you or your children, narcissists are essentially toddlers in adult bodies. The narcissistic tantrum especially shows itself around the holidays, but why?

Sometimes, people are just a**holes

• Narcissists need to feel relevant and visible. If the spotlight isn’t on them, the narcissist may feel worthless. Stirring the pot or acting out is their way of coping with everyone’s focus on everything else going around them.
• Holiday moments are especially about connection and giving, something they do not know or understand – or want to – give. If you connect with others, they feel their connection with you is waning, so they act out.
• Obsessed with control, micromanaging gives the narcissist the illusion that their world is controlled, because their entire world is out of control.
• Misery enjoys company. If they can’t enjoy the holidays, then neither can you. Rather than expressing the emotions healthy or communicating them, they will make others suffer and enjoy it.

It’s Not Your Fault

When a narcissist throws a tantrum, it’s easy to feel or believe that it was your fault – especially when they tell you that you are the one “made them act this way”.

It is not you and it’s not your fault.

Their behavior and actions are their own, and no matter how hard you try, you cannot and will not fix for them.

Don’t Take the Bait

Narcissists pick fights or create drama because they want attention. Don’t give the attention to them: stonewall the narcissist. The less you react, no matter how terrifying it is, the less fuel they have for their fire.  If things get overwhelming, leave – whether that’s going for a walk, calling a friend or cab, or just leaving entirely. Get to a safe location.

While narcissists deserve compassion for being human, that does not mean you deserve nor should accept being mistreated. If you can struggle and work through it by going through counseling, therapy, your shadow work, etc., then so can they. You can care about their struggles without being sucked into them and by still protecting your own peace.

You Deserve a Safe, Happy Holiday Season

It’s not your job to fix or save anyone in your life. Your job is to take care of yourself and enjoy what you can.