Fragility Demands Complacency, Hopelessness

Many of you have dealt with toxic people or full-on narcissists whose very identity is so fragile, that they absolutely must have beliefs in grandeur, power, absolution, and everything in between to sustain their personal narrative. Their refusal to accept their own suffering becomes the means of abuse to everyone around them – anywhere from making snide, racist comments to destroying the rights of anyone who is not like them. Their identity becomes entrenched in the belief that if their caregivers cannot love them, then they will force everyone to “love” or “fear” them (though fear is preferred because it is easier to rule with fear, at least initially.) They will take away everything, much like they believe everything was taken from them. They believe their intentions, beliefs, and ideas will be hidden, and they can get away with it – until they no longer can. Going with their beliefs inspires their own ego, and demands of you to lose hope. You will feel it until you are nothing but a shell of yourself and then thrown out. The greatest gift a narcissist can give you is to be discarded – and then left alone.

Narcissism should be looked on with compassion but also not tolerated. Understanding the root of their shame, which is their own very existence for whatever narrative they have occurred to them, is to understand that they, too, were human. Now, they are simply shells of humans who grieve not only the loss of their own connection to the world but also the connection they have to themselves.  You will never meet a person who fundamentally hates themselves more than a person with a fragile ego.

Remember: it is just as easy to be kind as it is to be cruel. Why is it that when you were beaten as a child, you instead spoke kindly to your own children? Why is that when you drank, you were happy and did not come home berating your spouse? Why is it that when you were sexually assaulted or raped that you chose mercy instead of raping someone else? Why is it that the people who worked hard to become wealthy have no issues sharing their wealth? We may not always understand why we do something, but we sure as hell know that we are doing it. 

So when you feel hopeless, drag yourself back up if you have to and keep moving forward. Why, you ask, when they will try and beat you down again and again? Because your existence is stronger than the narcissist’s self-hatred. And you feeling powerless feeds their ego, because you being powerless means they have the illusion of control.

To quote Lucifer and Dr. Linda Martin in season 4, episode 8 from the show “Lucifer”:

Lucifer: “Dear old Dad’s back up to his tricks manipulating me…”
Dr. Linda: “Do you really believe that?”
Lucifer: “With every fiber of my being, but I also know it’s a lie. A grand deception I’ve been telling myself for … since before I can remember.”
Dr. Linda: “Why do you think you’ve been lying to yourself all this time?”
Lucifer: “Because the truth is so much harder to face.”
Dr. Linda: “What is the truth?”
Lucifer: “My devil face… my devil wings, everything that’s happening to me is my own bloody fault. I brought this upon myself.”
Dr. Linda: “This is genuine progress – unraveling these patterns of denial is the first step toward resolving these issues.”
Lucifer: “No, doctor, this isn’t progress because if I’m doing this to myself, then the real truth is…”
Dr. Linda: “Is what? The real truth is what? … This will weigh on you unless you face it head on. The real truth is what?”
Lucifer: “There is something rotten inside of me. I found it near impossible to drown out the constant cacophony of voices whispering in my ear telling me I am evil. I’m drowning, doctor! And I can’t stop asking myself…
WHY DO I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH.”