What if we secretly like to suffer?

I discovered a great Reddit post that had a person wondering if they secretly enjoy suffering:
“For some reason I feel like it’s really hard for me to let things go. I hold grudges, I take a very long time to feel better about things, I carry a lot of pain with me and have trouble letting them go.

“I think to a certain extent, I’m scared of making peace with people or situations, say I have negative feelings towards someone, if I let go of these thoughts, I will no longer feel so strongly towards them. Somehow that feels empty and in a way, awkward for me. This made me think about what is real reason for me to not let things go. Am I just too used to be sad and be in pain that it’s hard for me to come out of it? There is a sense that if I do come out of it, then everything will lose its meanings.

Am I scared to be happy? Because maybe deep inside I think being happy is dumb and filled with nothingness? I enjoy holding grudges because that makes me feel more alive in a way that puts me in the present?”

Why do we not let things go? Why do we choose to hold onto suffering and circumstances that cause us additional suffering? Very simply: we believe that if we let go of our suffering, our connection to what we are holding onto will be severed forever. In other words, we believe suffering is the only way we can stay connected to the other person or experience. If we let go of that suffering, we let go of the connection, and we let go not just of the person but ourselves/who we were with that person or experience. Holding onto suffering is a coping skill: it forces our system not to feel abandoned, even though that is exactly what we are doing; we believe that if we let go of our suffering, our connection to what we are holding onto ourselves.