Did you know that if you believe something, your brain is hard-wired to keep searching for, interpreting, and remembering information in a way that confirms what you believe in? In other words, our brain is designed to seek out evidence that proves your viewpoint, no matter how wrong it it is, and to downplay any evidence that may contradict that belief. For example: you may have gained 20lbs, but you still fit in your “skinny jeans” so you try to confirm to yourself that you do not need to lose weight, by proving you can still fit in your jeans.
A self-fulfilling prophecy occurs when your expectations or beliefs about a situations leads you to act in a way that causes those expectations or beliefs to come true. For example, if you believe you are bad at public speaking, you may pay attention more to the negative feedback others may give you about your speaking (confirmation bias), which in turn reinforces your belief and causes you to act in ways that make you bad a public speaking, such as stumbling over words and forgetting your place in the speech.
Your belief influences the behavior which reinforces your belief.
Confirmation bias can influence behavior that eventually becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you are unlikable, for example, you may act shy or cold in social situations, which in turn can lead to others to respond to you less warmly. This will reinforce your belief that you are unlikeable, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. By avoiding contradictory evidence that challenges your beliefs, you reinforce them. If you believe you are bad in math, you may avoid taking math-related classes or jobs.
Why do we do this?
It easier to believe what others believe is true of us then to contradict those beliefs and discover for ourselves whether they are true or not.
To get out of this, actively seek out and consider situations that contradict your beliefs. Coffee taste likes tar to you? Try a local coffee shop instead of a chain restaurant. Are you afraid of immigrants taking your job? Actually talk to an immigrant who is working a job you would not even dream of doing. Are you a “nice guy” and can’t seem to find a relationship, then blame it as it’s women’s fault that you are alone? That requires a deep-dive into your beliefs. Are you a woman who believes all women should be stay-at-home-moms catering to their husbands? You may be feeling powerless in leaving a situation you don’t want to admit that you are unhappy in.
Be comfortable in being uncomfortable. It is in the uncomfortable that we grow.
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