What is the Shadow?

The shadow represents all the traits, desires, and instincts that we’ve pushed away or rejected because, at some point in our lives, we learned to believe these parts of ourselves were unacceptable. Often, this happens in childhood, when our survival and sense of safety were closely tied to the approval of our caregivers. As children, when we did something that didn’t align with our caregiver’s beliefs or expectations, we might have been scolded or punished. In those moments, we began to associate that behavior—and by extension, parts of ourselves—with being “bad” or “wrong.”

For example, if you felt anger as a child but were taught that anger was unacceptable—perhaps through a time-out, the silent treatment, or being yelled at—you may have learned to suppress that anger, believing that it wasn’t safe to express. Over time, these suppressed emotions and parts of ourselves become part of the shadow, hidden away out of fear of rejection or judgment.

But these parts of us are not inherently bad; they are simply misunderstood and repressed. Consider another name for our shadow as “coping mechanisms”. Carl Jung emphasized that in order to achieve true wholeness, it’s essential to recognize, embrace, and integrate the shadow. This process of integration involves approaching these hidden parts with compassion—sitting with them, listening to their needs and concerns, and understanding their origins. In doing so, we create space for healing and self-acceptance. Jung’s work, particularly in The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious and Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self, highlights the shadow’s pivotal role in our journey toward self-awareness and psychological growth.

Therapies like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Gestalt therapy expand on Jung’s ideas, offering tools to help individuals gently identify and integrate these shadow aspects—often referred to as “exiles.” Through these approaches, we learn that all parts of ourselves, even those we’ve hidden away, deserve to be heard, understood, and loved.